


Euphoria

by phanu_ir



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Desire, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pain, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-08 21:06:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17988527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanu_ir/pseuds/phanu_ir
Summary: Emotionally pained, Phil Lester lays in a toilet, with no knowledge Dan Howell would be there, the guy he's falling for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. This is a fic that's kinda sad and upsetting, but kinda happy. I really hope you enjoy it, it's kinda short but I'm proud of it.

Fog lay low in the evening nearing night where Phil Lester laid in a toilet, just outside of town. Little did he know Dan Howell would be there .

Phil laid against the tiled wall, in the same cubicle he stayed almost every day.  
Silently tears rolled down his pale complexion.  
A carefully scaffold of his mind shattered into shards. Phil just hoped one didn't shatter- his infinite love for Dan.

His mind was in shreds. Not this once could he galvanize his emotions out. Phil wanted to scream and yell and run for miles to be with the boy he wanted to be with so much.

He was void. Exiled. Socially he was an outcast. How the fuck was that possible? Instead society was filled with toxic and self righteous twats. People full of themselves, who didn't give one shit about anyone but themselves. Disgusting stereotypes practically everyone stuck to, you didn't stick to them you were fucked. Government was corrupt, crooks in power releasing their devious plans upon innocent people like Phil.

Phil felt hollow with emotion. The only thing he felt was pain  
Felt anguish.  
Felt pain.  
Every-Fucking-where  
It stung like hell.

Internally- mentally for beating himself up.  
Externally-physically from being abused by Alexis, orders given by George  
Galvanising was easier said than done after being abused, oh was today going to be so fucking different, Phil knew it. Forcing his emotions to be a certain way was going to go a different way today.

Phil didn't deserve the situation he was in. He didn't deserve the torture inflicted upon him from others and worse of all himself.

The irony. Oh the motherfucking irony, that Phil blamed himself for everything. Even things that weren't his fault like getting caught for drugs.

From being caught to the fight of the territorial war, Phil blamed himself for it. Who knew someone so caring could blame themselves so much. Phil didn't deserve to be in such a bad place, let alone blaming it all on himself, he didn't deserve it one bit, yet he blamed and blamed going through turmoil.

All that fled through a empty space was negative infinitive thoughts.  
Negative thoughts that shattered his core, how could Phil concoct such thoughts?

'why did you let Dad get in to drugs and then go to prison?'  
'you wouldn't be good enough for the gang life'  
'why makes you think you're good enough for Dan?'  
the latter hit him the most. 

His love for Dan reached out far into the plains  
Dan with his wavy hair styled into a fringe, a gorgeous dark brown color. Freckles pinpointed in wonderous constellations on his face. The way his dimples shone like the sun whenever Dan smiled. His smile could light up the darkest of murky ponds. A tall, lean figure that took Phil's eyes to another level when he saw Dan. Phil admired every aspect about Dan's appearance, it was to die for. 

Not to mention, Phil loved the way Dan held himself as a person, with various encounters he spoke so modernly being so revelant even when he was socially counted as an exile. Dan consistently and always thought of others before himself, an aspect Phil thought the highest of. In a world of corruption, the world needed people like Dan who thought on such a philisophical and elevated level it was exceptional.

All he wanted to do was fucking kiss the brown haired boy. It was clear that was in Phil dreams, like that would ever happen in a million fucking years


	2. Chapter 2

Across the many cubicles, Dan Howell sat in a cubicle, leaning against the wall.

Dan's body were splattered with purple violent bruises, he was abused like Phil had been.

Dan felt hollow.   
The void empty.  
Deprived of energy. There was nothing left, nothing left to force the negativity out.

Salty tears rolled down Dan's face, stinging his acne. He didn't give a fuck about physical pain, the internal pain hurt the most. Hurt him the most

His mind was a stream, a pool for bad thoughts to flow through, the utmost of negativity. Dan fucking hated it and couldn't stop it that was the worse thing. They varied and all Dan wanted was to escape the hole he fell into.

Like that would happen anytime soon.

Ironically his mental pain and trying to galvanise it hurt more than the torturous abuse Jack gave to Dan, that would take days to recover from.  
That wasn't even the most ironic part.   
Dan Howell. Straight A student. You wouldn't expect him to be having these episodes constantly relapsing whenever they could.  
You fucking wouldn't expect it, but it happens. Perceptions aren't always true, clearly proven through Dan.

Crying wasn't enough at all, but there was no other way he could help himself. Apart from trying to thinking about Phil .

Phil fucking Lester. Dan lost his marbles for that guy, it was fanatical.  
Phil who was so caring and gentle around others, he would give a shit to someone like Jack. He genuinely would. The world needed so many more fucking people like Phil, who were just caring and thought about others instantaneously before themselves. It wasn't just that, Phil had an essence that peeked through at times that shone and could ignite the darkest end of the universe. It was astounding the brightness that radiated from Phil it was so unique and bespoke to Phil's core aspects.  
Dan didn't know where to start with Phil's appearance. The pale milky skin juxtaposed Phil's miraculous ebony hair flawlessly. The freckles dotted over Phil's arms which were ever so muscular that were a rare sight to see. A lean tall figure perfectly with proportionality of limbs, it sounded weird but Dan adored it. Bright pools of blue irises inside Phil's that could light up the darkest of tragedies, along with a glorious smile, a smile that could make one smile  
All Dan wanted to was touch and kiss Phil- would that happen?  
In Dan's fucking dreams and mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So I don't really know how ao3 works but I'm still doing this lmao.   
> Next update will be be tomorrow


	3. Chapter 3

Who the hell could it be?  
It made no sense.  
Dan prayed to some god out thereit wasn't Jack finding out where he was ready to hurt him even more. 

For his own safety otherwise his own curiousity would kill him, whether it be Jack in the same building as him or not.

Quietly Dan spoke "Hello?"  
If he didn't receive a reply, he wouldn't be surprised one bit.

 

Phil heard that hello and couldn't believe it.  
It was incomprehensible.  
It couldn't be Dan  
It just fucking couldn't.

He replied "hello? Who is this?" Hopefully confirming who he thought it was.  
Phil never felt more nervous in his entire fucking life. 

 

Dan couldn't understand.  
Phil Lester  
Phil fucking Lester was in the same building as him, not to mention an emotional mess as Dan assumed from the sobs he heard  
He didn't know what to do, what to say only that he fell even more for Phil than before  
"It's Dan, Phil."  
All he had to was sit and wait.

It was exactly who Phil thought it to be. Dan Howell, and oh the lust to touch those soft lips was becoming even more prominent. To embrace the boy and feel him would be enough- would it?

Dan couldn't handle desire the leash of self control was cut off with one single fucking decision. He had no right to, even the universe probably thought he had no right to do what he was about to do.

Yet Dan Howell said fuck it.  
Fuck expectations  
Fuck judgment  
Fuck anyone or anything that told him no.  
Let instinct and a wonderous thing called the heart take over.

He knew where Phil was, situated in the other side of the abandoned toilet completely, from working out how far he was when Phil spoke three words.

The brown haired boy power walked over to the end cubicle, feeling the broken tiled walls, the scraped surfaces of each tile. Every movement hurt his body, a throbbing pain all around his body no doubt caused from the physical abuse endured by Dan.  
Fuck that. The small chance Phil would allow Dan to kiss him was worth so much fucking more than the price of pain.

His heart rate shot up, even though his body was in utter anguish Dan kept on going, kept on walking towards that end cubicle.  
Dan Howell took in a deep breath and knocked on the old door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi  
> Sorry for the late update but here it is  
> The fic is coming to an end  
> Update tomorrow


	4. Chapter 4

A knock and a whisper "can I come in" speaking 417 words simultaneously. Astounding Phil by miles.  
Phil didn't know what to make of it.   
Dan had come up to him. Maybe the universe actually wanted to do him justice for one day.  
In a whisper 'yes' he replied.

The door pushed open slowly and Phil saw Dan.   
He looked stunning even in such devastating circumstances. Painted with bruises and blood and tears, yet had the soft lines and skin Phil adored. Dan's arms had lines of blood streaming down, splattered over and a face patched over with violet specks. His wavy hair stuck to his face, his eyes still so gorgeous and dark yet full of affliction.

All Phil wanted to was hold Dan. Forget a kiss.   
He looked so tormented that it broke Phil's heart into 3. Mentally Phil couldn't even begin with how Dan must of felt. Physically all he wanted to do was cuddle Dan and hold him.

 

There Phil was. Looking so fucking phenomenal in times of oppression. Milky skin tainted with tears, still flawless. Though a small speck of blue was still their, the tiniest that Dan could still see was in Phil's eyes.  
The extent of which Phil cried was truly sad. You could evidently see it. His T-shirt was soaked in tears.   
His eyes were drained almost and that was the worst part. He looked so vulnerable, as if he been ripped open by society finding his deficiencies.   
Dan wanted to tell him it was okay, he could get through it. He wanted to hold the vulnerable child and comfort him in such dark times, cause he felt it was his duty to fucking do so.

 

His muscles pained as he stood up, from sitting down for hours. Suddenly the world was put into perspective and Phil was hit with reality. Though he was a literal and metaphorical mess, he needed to take a risk.

Phil Lester looked into Dan's brown eyes with intent, purpose and passion. He'd never concentrated so hard in his entire life.

 

Dan saw, felt the purpose radiating from Phil's body. His pools of blues were a gateway to what Dan wanted. He needed to at least take a risk for what he wanted for once, not what others wanted, but what he wanted.

Softly Dan spoke, "you ok?"

Phil responded, "no" with a tear falling out of his left eye.

He took a step forward. Dan took a step forward.

 

All Phil did from that point in time was wrap his arms around Dan's broad shoulders. Fuck it felt amazing, embracing the warmth and sheer comfort Dan exuded. It felt glorious. It felt almost like enlightment.

Dan felt the impact of Phil's body on him. It was fantastic. It was ecstatic. Dan would never fucking let go of Phil. He just fucking couldn't. He wrapped his arms around Phil's slender body and hugged him.

 

Dan and Phil laid there for moments embracing each other, they were each other's support and being to cling on to.

 

Dan pulled apart from Phil, looked at Phil's soft, plump lips up to his eyes and back down. He leant into Phils face and gently placed a kiss on Phil's lips. It was short but fanatical. He sworn this must have been a dream.

Phil was stunned like a beam had shot through him and made him stable in limbo for ten seconds. Phil wanted more. That kiss was the epiphany of his life.

He felt so bad when Dan pulled apart, claiming "I'm sorry. Desire over needs. I shouldn't have done that."

"The hell you shouldn't have done that."

Phil kissed Dan with lust, passion and desire. Did he care if he maybe jumped on to Dan? No. All he gave a shit about was kissing the breathtaking Dan Howell. He placed his arms on Dan's hips slowly raising them to supple muscle on Dan's waist, whilst Dan's were on his spine, it sent shockwaves through his entire body, through every motherfucking blood vessel.  
It was intimate,   
it was sensual.  
It was god damn everything Phil Lester could ever want. 

Dan Howell took the slight jumping on as a opportunity to seek something like happiness   
He felt the delicate spine of Phil's, felt the embrace and sheer power Phil unleashed upon Dan. Slowly his arms moved up and down feeling Phil's slender back and never in his life did Dan feel anything like this. 

He felt euphoria. 

Hands mapping out Phil's body, touching, exploring who Phil was.   
This was fucking astounding, it sent lightning bolts of happiness through Dan's mind. It definitely took his mind off what happened before.

 

Dan and Phil stayed there, exiles of society, with each other. They kissed secluded in an abandoned bathroom, lips intimately touching each other. It's all that was needed; for a period of time to escape the hell that they endured day to day.

To seek happiness when you already have it, is one thing.   
Yet to have it brought upon you coincidentally in moments of despair is something else.  
Was it a coincidence?   
Or intentionally made to occur by something called fate, space and time. 

 

Euphoria- pure enlightenment in times of despair and pain.

Dan and Phil were in euphoria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the final chapter  
> Hope you enjoyed it.  
> They could be an additional part to this short fic but who knows
> 
> Thank you to those that read one line or the entire fic, those that commented or gave a kudos.  
> My heart goes out to you.


End file.
